


Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth...

by imaginarycircus



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: Epistolary, F/M, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 13,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginarycircus/pseuds/imaginarycircus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A post series correspondence between Lizzie and Darcy. Posts occur at roughly the time the letters and packages are delivered and opened. So real time for California PDT.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darcy's First Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I banged out a [doggerel fic](http://imaginarycircus.tumblr.com/post/46914116800/post-100-lizzie-darcy-ficlet-rated-g) last night and decided to type out their letters. This fic will be entirely epistolary. I will do my best to post the letters at roughly the time you could imagine Lizzie (and eventually Darcy) opening and reading them. Assuming the US Postal Service can deliver the letters in about 24 hours. Title lifted straight from Austen.
> 
> Endless gratitude to becca_letters for beta reading and smacking this into better shape.

April 1, 2013

Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

In writing I feel a formal salutation is required. I permit you to tease me all you wish for writing you a letter 'in cursive' that is 'wax sealed.' To add to your ammunition stockpile, I shall also admit that I'm writing this with my grandfather's fountain pen in India ink. (It's waterproof, which, as a great reader of Classic novels, you may already know.) 

At one minute past nine this morning I checked your youtube channel, even though I knew there wouldn't be a new video. It's become a habit of many months to check and see if there is a new bit of you posted for me. Your videos were created for a very large audience, but I selfishly pretended that they were for me alone. (On the few occasions that you did speak directly to me, I felt what I imagine one feels when jamming a fork into a live electrical outlet.) 

Lizzie, I missed you this morning in a new and unexpected way. Since I left you at the airport, I've missed your face, your hands, your scent, your voice, and the way you tap your feet when you're waiting your turn to speak. I didn't expect to miss your videos so keenly. Have you ever listened to the dial tone after someone has hung up on you, rather than sever the connection entirely? Refreshing your youtube page hopelessly is my version of that. 

I could call you right now. I could email. I could check Skype. But those all feel like the wrong modes of communication for what I want to say. For so many months we've been having these odd one-sided conversations in which you tell me stories in your expressive and delightful manner. I've watched and listened, but couldn't respond for so many reasons. Now that I may freely respond, the videos are done. 

As we've seen video blogging doesn't come at all naturally to me, so I thought I'd better write. It's old fashioned and a little staid, which you'd likely say is rather like me. It's not at all like you, Lizzie. Perhaps opposites really do attract, but on some level I still can't fathom why you return my affection. It seemed impossible for so long. Unthinking that idea may take some time. Don't mistake me. I do believe you when you say that you care for me. I can see it in the tilt of your mouth and the way you bend towards me now rather than away. 

Are you familiar with the Greek myth of Clytie? She was a nymph in love with Apollo, who ignored her. She sat and watched him travel across the sky everyday. She became so transfixed that she didn't eat or drink anything for nine days. She rooted into the ground and became a sunflower, her face tracking the sun as it travels. 

I know you misunderstood (I have to wonder if it wasn't a bit willful on your part) why I used to watch you so intently, but Lizzie, you were my sun. You still are. Is it too much to say that I strongly suspect you always will be?

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to express the brilliance and warmth you've brought into my life. Please accept these feeble words and know that I feel more for you than I can possibly say. 

All my love,

W.D.


	2. Darcy's Second Letter

April 4, 2013

 

Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

It's Thursday at 9:05 AM. Is it peculiar to miss the video version of you? I believe you called it 'adorable.' Generally, that is not a word anyone has associated with me in the last twenty years. 

For many months your vlog was the only stable connection I had to you. I am loath to let it go. Lizzie, please believe that I do not wish to cause you a moment's chagrin. The past is of no consequence and causes me no discomfort. I'm only attempting to explain my compulsion to write. I learned a great deal about you through your videos. I must be a closed book by comparison. I should like to ameliorate that. We spoke for over an hour last night, but I express thoughts and feelings on paper that I cannot speak. (Yet.) Letters are tactile and corporeal. I may not be able to touch you, but you can hold what I've held. This sentimental streak you've roused is shocking and, I fear, quite terminal. 

I am pleased beyond the telling that you liked my previous letter. GiGi, who knows me best, does not always understand my _modus operandi._ You appear to be mastering the subject at an astonishing rate. That thrills me, but unsettles me too. I foresee that you will not always permit me retreat into my shell in future. I may not thank you for it, but I have every confidence that it will be improving. I like myself more when I'm with you, Lizzie. Under your influence I've acquired compassion and empathy. You did not change me, but you were an effective catalyst.

I hope I can provide something similarly beneficial to you. I've considered the matter at some length. What do I have to offer you? You've understandably refused the material and professional benefits I can confer. That makes me love you more than I already did. Your life is about to change enormously and I want to be part of that. You may lean on me whenever you like, but I respect your abilities and will let you decide when and if you need me. I reserve the right to nudge you towards food and bed when required. You may readily infer other reasons I have to get you into bed. I am so full of want that I can't imagine ever being empty of it. 

I've set up an app on my phone to count the days and minutes until your thesis due date (May 1,) your graduation (May 17,) and the day you move into your new apartment (June 1.) I can bear the separation a little better because the time evanesces. 

I know this city so well, but I expect it will be different once you're here. I had thought you'd knocked my perspective askew, when really you've made it absolutely square.

All my love,  
W.D.


	3. Dear William

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie responds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big round of applause for becca_letters for setting this to rights.

April 5, 2013

 

~~Dear Sir,~~

~~Dear Mr. Darcy, ESQ.~~

~~Yo, Dude,~~

Dear William,

This formal salutation thing isn't going to work for me. I haven't written a personal letter by hand on paper (not counting birthday cards) since I was eleven and I had a pen pal. We exchanged two letters before calling it quits. She lived in Switzerland, but didn’t like chocolate. How is that even possible? I might have written her a six-page letter about the benefits of chocolate with some scientific research to back up my statements. (I believe there were several footnotes.)

You can tell I'm not used to writing letters. I have yours spread out in front of me. The lines are neat and level across the page and your handwriting is gorgeous. So far, mine looks like a bunch of drunken ants stepped in ink and staggered around the page. That blotch there is where one bravely died. → *

You will just have to accept my scrawl, such as it is. 

Next time I visit I would like to see photos from your childhood. I bet you were adorable. I'm probably not the only one who has found your distinctive Darcy-esque idiosyncrasies worthy of admiration. (Did you see that Caroline is planning to visit Bing and Jane? Do you like my incredibly subtle innuendo? (My father used to tell me I had all the subtlety of a Howitzer battery, but I think I've improved. (I'm wondering how many nesting sets of parentheses I can use before I have to tear up this letter—or you tear it up.))) Three seems to be tolerable. I won't push it. 

I'm clearly unable to hit the proper romantic note in writing. You do it beautifully. If I didn't already adore you, I suspect your letters would tip the scales. William, how was I so blind for so long? I'm trying to move past that particular negative feedback loop. I tell myself that we had to go through all that to end up here, but do you think that’s true? I waffle. 

As to you being good for me? Are you kidding? William F. Darcy, you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I feel like I won the lottery. (Not like the Shirley Jackson story or The Hunger Games. UGH! This is why I can't write romantic letters. I'm unable to keep my sarcasm and witty asides to myself. If I cross all that out I'll have to rewrite this, but I suspect I've already developed carpal tunnel.) 

Be patient with me. I'll try to figure this out, but for my first letter in fourteen years? This could be much worse. At least there aren't any footnotes. 

Love,  
Lizzie

 

P.S. I was tempted to go through and dot all the 'I's with hearts, but that seemed a bridge too far in the irony department. 

P.S.S What does the 'F' stand for. GiGi told me it was Fitzwilliam, but that can't be right.


	4. A Brief Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the teeny, cheating update. I spent today at a family funeral, but I didn't want to skip today. I will try to make up for it tomorrow.

(card delivered with a dozen white roses)

4/9/2013

Lizzie,

I wanted to pen a fitting response to your delightful missive, but I was trapped in meetings until it was too late to make the last mail pickup. I apologize for this disruption in service. In recompense I offer this: kindly step outside your domicile and I will apologize more intimately. 

W.D.


	5. (hand written note on unlined, ragged-edged piece of paper torn from notebook)

(note found on Darcy's bare stomach upon waking at Netherfield on 4/10 to the scent of fresh coffee and bacon)

 

W.D.,

I'm delighted that you took today off. I'm letting you sleep in. In any healthy relationship, people take care of each other. Today you are going to let me take care of you. No arguments. Not up for debate. 

How to ascertain my whereabouts while staying in bed:

1\. Is the house silent? 

I am at the store picking up provisions, which will be organic and up to your snooty standards. (I'm starting to appreciate your snooty standards, but you'll never break me completely. Oreos or death!) I checked the pantry. One tin of smoked oysters, something French in a tube, three kinds of water crackers, and tea made from something unpronounceable sourced from the Yucutan. You may be made of sterner stuff, but I'm not brave enough to attempt such a breakfast. (A drunken midnight snack that I'd regret soon after? Maybe. But I'd have to be severely intoxicated.)

2\. Do you smell fresh coffee? Can you smell bacon? Do you hear me singing along (off-key) to pop music, which I am listening to unironically?

I am making you breakfast. Both Mrs. Reynolds and GiGi texted me to inform on you, Buster. You've been working very long hours and eating like it's optional. Today you will rest, have breakfast in bed, lie out near the pool with me and eat properly. Tonight you will get another good night sleep before getting back on your fight to SFO. To make sure you adhere to these rules I am taking today off. I know you like your eggs poached for 2.5 minutes and dry whole wheat toast. Today you will also eat fruit. One of the many things my mother forced me to learn in order to catch a "rich, handsome man" is how to make a killer hollandaise. (GiGi told me that you will eat eggs Benedict on special ocassions. Guess what today is, Mr. Rich, Handsome, and Mine?) 

I've gone all quippy again. Why it so difficult for me to tell you what I'm feeling? I'm still stunned that you showed up on my doorstep yesterday. Now my mission is clear. I must write to you at every opportunity, so many letters that you'll be there whenever I open the front door. Of course, I wouldn't make you stand out there if you took up full time residency. If you do the dishes and offer to change the light bulbs, my parents may begin adoption proceedings. I would point out that that would make our relationship creepy. My mother would remember other, better ways to get you into the family. It's way too soon to talk about anything like that, but she's already headed in that direction. Be prepared. 

Let me be blunt. You make me stupidly happy. We will never run out of things to discuss. Our minds spark off each others. I love that, but you and I? We spark off each other. By spark, I mean one tiny ember landing in a patch of dry grass and immediately roaring through acres of brush. It's the kind of wildfire that will difficult to put out. Let's not try. BTW, where are my underpants? I looked everywhere, which I gather means you're sleeping on them.

My hands feel ticklish and tingly this morning. They are clearly the same model I used to have. Someone must have mysteriously swapped them out for new ones when I was asleep. I keep rubbing them against my thighs and the sheets as I write this. They're going to require further testing and I will need help. There may be a square inch or two of you I haven't touched yet. I do like to be thorough. (I'll wait though. You look too peaceful to disturb and you didn't exactly get a lot of sleep last night.)

So nap, recline, or daydream. I will be up soon to feed you. I've hidden both your phone and your laptop. You may be able to earn them back later. ;) 

(Yes. I used an emoticon in a written letter. I shall be prepared for your lecture, but I can find many better uses for your mouth.) 

-L.B.


	6. Note from Darcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter written on pale gray stationery with CL printed at that top, pilfered from Caroline's writing desk at Netherfield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to get this to becca_letters in time for her to slap it around before I posted it. So any hilariously unintended typos are all on me.

(slipped into Lizzie's laptop case and discovered after she's seen Darcy off and has returned home to her thesis on 4/11)

 

Lizzie,

I'm feeling quite informal because you are sleeping next to me and neither of us is wearing so much as a stitch. I have allotted myself ten minutes to write. Then I shall wake you. I am mulling over the best approach. There are many enticing possibilities. 

Do you know that you talk in your sleep? Most of it is gibberish, but you just turned onto your side and said, "Artichokes in my umbrella." That caused me a moment's concern that my laughter would wake you, but you do sleep like the proverbial dead. I could blissfully spend ~~years~~ millennia watching you sleep. (It is too early to talk about that. Yet I think about it, Lizzie. I think about you and I hope. I cannot seem to help it.) (As you see, I can employ parentheses too, though perhaps less whimsically. Whimsy has not generally been a weapon in my arsenal, but I am learning from a master.) 

I beg of you not to amend your approach to composing letters in any respect. They're so delightfully you. I do not require effusive romantic declarations, which is not to say that I dislike hearing how you feel about me. I like that very much indeed. 

Later when you are holding this in your exquisite hands, know that I miss you. I shall miss you every second of the next 51 days, 16 hours, 2 minutes and 17 seconds. I have a scant hour left before I must prepare to return home. I plan to use it wisely. 

Love,  
William

P.S. You just murmured my name as I was slipping this into your bag. I feared that I'd woken you, but no. My name sounds entirely different when you say it. You wrote that your hands feel new and different, but I purport that every cell in my body has altered for the better because of you. I suspect that I am falling in love with loving you. Oh, Lizzie. A year ago I would have viciously skewered someone who said such a thing in my hearing. What have you done to me? Whatever it is, you have my leave to continue indefinitely.


	7. A Package from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small brown box delivered to Darcy's apartment with the Saturday mail. Contains a gently used hardback copy of Beryl Markham's [West with the Night.](http://www.amazon.com/West-Night-Beryl-Markham/dp/0865477639/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365885977&sr=8-1&keywords=west+with+the+night)

Book is inscribed: 

 

4/11/2013

William,

I think this is one of the most beautiful memoirs ever written. It reminds me that taking chances can open up amazing possibilities. People are resilient. You have to be where you are to get where you're going, but I hope the next six weeks pass very quickly just the same. 

June 1. Why do I feel like my life will begin then? 

Love,  
Lizzie


	8. Darcy's Third Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hand-written letter on plain ivory stationery in neat Palmer method script, sealed with crimson wax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always becca_letters is responsible for polishing and making this presentable.

4/15/2013

 

Dearest Lizzie,

Thank you for so very many things, but especially for the glorious memoir by Ms. Markham. I confess that it captivated me in a way that nothing else (of late) has excepting you. I spent a wildly hedonistic Sunday afternoon with my feet propped on the south pointing arm of the couch. I read it in one fell swoop. Consumed two pots of tea (Oolong). I'm uncertain exactly what or when I ate, so great was my absorption, but there was a plate with crumbs next to my empty teapot when I closed the book. (Hazy recollection of GiGi plunking something at my elbow with an exhortation to eat.)

The first time you finished the book—did you immediately long to book a flight to Kenya? Naturally a time traveling flight that would land you in the 1920s? It took well nigh two hours for that urge to ebb away. ~~I've never been to Africa, but I'd love to~~

I am similarly impatient for June. Instead of commencing, I posit my that my life will resume fecundity after a long gray winter. I simultaneously wish that you'd known me before my parents' deaths and am relieved that you did not. Undoubtedly you would have found me even more insufferable than when we first met, but a touch less austere. I've worried at times that I will prove a bore to you, but by some miracle you appear to find my peccadilloes amusing and do I dare hope—endearing?

Two days was not enough, Lizzie. My every second is replete with a desire for you to be at arm's reach. For now I content myself with the knowledge that you are alive in the world and you no longer dislike me. (In truth I find I am not terribly contented, but I wish you a positive and edifying experience during final weeks of graduate work.) I am attempting to embrace your rubric: "to be where you are to get where you're going." 

46 days, 25 hours, 24 minutes and 27 seconds. 

All my love,

W.D.


	9. Letter from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter from Lizzie delivered in a bubblegum pink envelope and written on My Little Pony stationery featuring Pinkie Pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> becca_letters? All the props.

4/15/20 ~~07~~ 13

 

William,

I am so sorry about the hideous stationery, but it was all I could find. It's Lydia's. I ran out of printer paper earlier today and I draw the line at writing to you on the back of a draft page of my thesis. I'm so beat that I apparently don't even know what year it is and technically it's the 17th because it's nearing three AM. 

Your letters are horrible. No. I mean they're gorgeous and they're delightful and I adore them. I won't complain if you keep writing to me even when we live in the same city. But sometimes I feel like I can never catch up. You've carved up giant lake beds like a glacier and filled them in with so much emotion. All I have to offer in return in seems like a piddly kiddie-pool. 

It's late. I'm too tired to be writing and I can't seem to write what I mean. All I'm trying to say is that I love you. I do. You're wonderful and I miss you. How I wish… 

I actually just fell asleep on this letter. Bed now.  
Love,  
Lizzie


	10. Heavy FedEx box delivered at nine sharp to Elizabeth Bennet.

**Package contents:**

5 reams of all-purpose printer paper  
Two boxes of letter paper with matching envelopes, one pale blue, one ivory  
A box of Lizzie's preferred pens, medium point blue

 

(note printed on delivery slip)

4/17/2013

L.B. 

The traditional gift for first anniversaries is paper. By definition anniversaries are measured in years, but I'm feeling wildly impetuous. Exactly one month ago today was your birthday. I was remiss in giving you a gift. Please accept this belated offering. 

W.D.


	11. Letter from Darcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Handwritten letter from Darcy delivered via US Mail.

4/17/2013

 

Dearest Lizzie,

Dare I presume that the package delivered this morning pleased you? I know you've requested that I not spend money on your behalf, but I exercised remarkable restraint. If permitted, I would have filled your house with every flower in southern California. 

Your last letter was astonishing. I have never received a missive quite like it. I'm sorry to inform you that I smiled so foolishly all through a production meeting that it impelled Fanny Price into a fit of nervous laughter from which she could not recover. She had to rest in a napping pod with a cool cloth over her eyes for twenty minutes before regaining her equanimity.

I suspect this is not a question I'll be capable of posing via telephone, but did you mean what you said? I ask only because I know I have uttered things when deeply exhausted that I did not precisely mean. I've torn up two previous versions of this letter. Let me speak plainly. Did you really mean to say that you love me? 

I know you to be forthright. Lizzie, please believe that nothing you say will alter my affection for you. Damn. This is not the impassioned love letter I intended to write. However, there isn't time to make another attempt. 

44 days, 22 hours, 26 minutes, and 45 seconds.

All my love,

William.


	12. note from GiGi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Found slipped under William's bedroom door at 10:27 AM PDT Saturday morning. Written on graph paper with a ragged edge.

William,

I'm sorry, but yes, I snuck in and turned off your alarm last night. You were exhausted and needed to sleep. Waking up at 6 to go for a ride was not a good idea. You had a few ~~too many~~ glasses of wine last night and didn't even get to bed until after three. I know you're upset because you haven't heard back from... well, anyway. You promised you'd help me get ready for the party this evening. 

Because I know you, I know you are probably wondering, 'what party?' It's Fitz and Brandon's anniversary! Six years, remember? Here is what I need you to do to help, because I have a million things to do. Please? You'll still have time to squeeze in a bike ride after if you hurry. I've programmed all the addresses into your phone. 

1\. Stop at florist on Sacramento. Order is under my name. Must be picked up by noon.  
2\. Bakery on Bryant Street. Order under my name.  
3\. My seamstress on Liberty Street. I needed to have my dress hemmed.  
4\. Your dry cleaner to pick up your navy suit and I had your incredibly wrinkled tuxedo pressed. What did you do? Sleep in it? 

The party starts at seven sharp. It's going to be small so there's no need for you to freak out. Coffee is fresh and there's a lovely fruit salad in the fridge in the blue ceramic bowl. Drink some water!! 

Your favorite sister,

G

P.S. Stop worrying. You will hear from her today. I'm not saying I know something, but... well, get moving!


	13. Text conversation between GiGi and William

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GiGi's response to unanswered call. Sent to William at 1:19 PM PDT on Saturday April 20, 2013.

GiGi: OMG!! Sorry. Wrong florist!! Meant 212 Church (between 15th & Market) 

 

William: Fine

 

GiGi: Another favor? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Wouldn't ask, but am desperate. 

 

William: What? 

 

GiGi: The caterer forgot to deliver half the canapes! 1975 Yosemite Road

 

William: That's in Berkeley. You can't be serious. 

 

GiGi: Their van broke down and they'll never get here on time. PLEASE! I am begging. I will owe you like 800 favors. 

 

William: Yes. You shall.


	14. Two Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One flat and one folded piece of white paper left on Darcy's bed while he was in the shower after his bike ride.

(unfolded note in GiGi's handwriting)

William,

I really hope your bike ride helped you blow off some steam. I know you were mad at me for sending you on a wild goose chase, but you can yell at me tomorrow if you still want to. Get dressed and come out on the terrace. 

Your phenomenal younger sister,

GiGi

 

 

(folded note)

Yes, I meant it. 

L.B.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Teeny related comment fic.](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/2980424)


	15. A Delivery and a cell phone photo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delivery of a large white bakery box tied with red and white string and two lattes, still hot, in travel mugs from Darcy's favorite cafe.

(note tucked under the box strings)

 

William,

We're terribly sorry we had to resort to trickery yesterday to get Lizzie into San Francisco and into the apartment without you noticing. Everything was so last minute that no one could deliver any of the things I wanted to procure to make your evening special. (Fitz says I just didn't want to give you two any reason to leave the apartment. That too!) Here's breakfast. (Fitz says if we hadn't sent over pastries you would have made Lizzie eat Muesli and that's not the food of love. "Lizzie B, try the pain au chocolat. You will die.") 

We have a bet going that you didn't even get around to opening the champagne out on the terrace last night. There's orange juice in the fridge. I juiced the oranges myself yesterday. Mimosas? And tell me because if you didn't drink it last night Fitz owes me dinner at L'ardoise. 

Fitz and Brandon's anniversary is actually today. I'm glad you didn't bother to double check that yesterday! We're meeting at that tapas place they like at six. We hope you both can make it and we don't expect to see or hear from you before then. 

Love,

GiGi, Fitz, and Brandon

 

 

 

photo emailed to GiGi Darcy from William Darcy:


	16. Note from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note slipped in front of Darcy by his assistant as he's wrapping up a meeting.

W.D,

Found an apartment in lower Nob Hill and signed the lease. Fitz and I are having a picnic in the Japanese garden. Please come celebrate with us? We have sushi and even brought you some uni. Neither of us is going to eat it on pain of death. We need you!

Love,  
L.B.


	17. Texts from Fitz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Text messages Fitz Williams sent during PD morning meeting on Tuesday April 23, 2013

To: Lizzie Bennet  
From: Fitz Williams  
sent at 10:36 AM PDT

 

Lizzie B, txt me when you're home plz

 

 

To: William Darcy  
From: Fitz Williams  
sent at 10:37 AM PDT

 

Stop glaring at Fanny P. Remember last time.

 

 

To: William Darcy  
From: Fitz Williams  
sent at 10:38 AM PDT

 

Ignoring me. Very mature. 

 

 

To: William Darcy  
From: Fitz Williams  
sent at 10:39 AM PDT

 

Know a good florist? Say it with flowers. 

 

 

To: William Darcy  
From: Fitz Williams  
sent at 10:40 AM PDT

 

She didn't cry @ airport. But it was bad 

 

 

To: William Darcy  
From: Fitz Williams  
sent at 10:40 AM PDT

 

Not going to let this go, man


	18. Letter from Darcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Handwritten, unsealed letter delivered to Lizzie at home via FedEx.

April 24, 2013

 

Lizzie,

I respect your wishes and shall refrain from calling you for however long you deem necessary. I hope a written communiqué is acceptable in the interim. 

You were just in your accusations. My behavior and statements were unwarranted and infantile. Please accept my most humble apologies. 

An explanation of my motivations will not reflect well on me, but I owe you a rational accounting. 

I know you cannot read my mind and yet I think I expected you to. I anticipated being involved and consulted in the matter of your housing. I'm abashed to admit that I was further harboring selfish hopes that one look at the rental market would convince you to live with me. 

I am aware that I did not intimate to you my wish to be involved, or ask if you would permit it. You had no way of knowing I would be disappointed in what is unquestionably your bailiwick. 

When you informed me that you'd signed a lease without my ~~blessing~~ interference, I was incensed, or so I convinced myself. In truth my feelings were wounded and unreasonably so. 

If I am truly candid with myself, I do comprehend your reasons for living on your own when you relocate. I respect your wish for autonomy. When not reacting like a wounded bear, I agree that establishing yourself in San Francisco under your own aegis is an irrefutably wise decision. 

I've reached the matter I regret the most and there is no avoiding it. I am heartily ashamed. I should not even have thought, never mind said that you would be incapable of maintaining your own residence and starting a business, while also paying your student loans. It was disloyal and unkind and untrue. If anyone else spoke to you as I did, I would not tolerate it. 

Bing once told me that if he could go back in time and punch himself that he would. I dismissed it at as nonsense at the time, but I can empathize now. 

You called me "a spoiled brat." I deserved that and everything else you hurled at me. 

I refrained from deluging you in flowers or tangible expressions of contrition. It seemed gauche under the circumstances. You've outlined the inequalities that you perceive between us and I know for you they are real. 

Lizzie, you drove me to become a better person. You brought me back to life. I can never repay you. That is why I want to give you everything I have, but I am starting to apprehend that it is not a debt that can be repaid, except in kind. 

I beg you to accept my most sincere apologies. I despair of your forgiveness, because I do not deserve it. There is little I would not to do earn it. You have but to ask. 

I love you beyond the telling,

William

 

P.S. The negotiations in New York have broken down. I'm scheduled on the red eye this evening. I'm unsure of the duration of my stay. 

If by any chance you should like to visit New York City, which I hear is lovely in spring? Please contact Claire Reynolds. She'll arrange a flight for you using frequent flier miles. 

If you do not wish to travel at present, I understand. 

W.D.


	19. email from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sent on Friday April 26, 2013 at 11 AM PDT.

I read your letter. We'll talk soon, but I've had four hours of sleep in the last two days. I have to meet with Prof. Gardiner in two hours. Jane called me this morning and told me you were "odd" at dinner with them last night and that she was worried. She said you wouldn't talk about it, not even to Bing alone. You can if you want to, you know. 

I'm sorry this is hard for you and I wish I could call you and forgive you this very second. I really do, but I need a little bit more time. I need to finish my thesis draft today. And I need sleep. 

Can you be patient? Forgiveness is a process--and for me it's not a speedy one. I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I'm running on fumes. This morning I singed a piece of toast and burst into tears. Lydia had to pull it away and make me another. She's also insisting on driving me to school later so I " don't die in a fiery wreck." 

Please. Let me get through today. Let me sleep. Give me a day or two to think about what happened and your letter and what I want to say to you. We will talk. I want this to work out. 

I miss you. 

Lizzie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love that this is provoking so much conversation and feeling. There is no wrong way to feel about a story. If you want to see what's rattling around in my head right now [post is here](http://imaginarycircus.tumblr.com/post/48946961214/dearest-loveliest-elizabeth-update). Thank you for sticking with this. This is the start of an upswing. I promise.


	20. An Olive Branch from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie responds to Darcy's letter of apology via Priority US Mail. Darcy returned to San Francisco from NYC late last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> becca_letters is the best and any remaining errors are entirely mine.

April 27, 2013

 

William Darcy  
Pemberley Digital  
1 Pemberley Park  
San Francisco, CA 94114

Dear Mr. Darcy,

Please find two copies of a contract enclosed for your perusal. If you wish to make amendments, please sign and date both contracts and include the alternate language or clauses you would prefer and return one copy to me. 

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Bennet

 

P.S. Ms. Bennet did not seek legal counsel and is not a lawyer. If some of this legalese sounds fabricated, please just play along.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Relationship Agreement Contract**

 

I, Elizabeth Bennet, do hereby apologize for the following lapses in judgment, faux pas, and any and all comments of a hurtful nature made to or about William F. Darcy, including but not limited to:

1\. Erroneous and unkind judgments of his person and intentions  
2\. Comments that were mocking, unfair, and posted on the Internet.  
3\. Unflattering imitations  
4\. A public and scathing rejection of his first declaration of love  
5\. Any past defense or interaction with George Wickham  
6\. Displaying unfair impatience and lacking empathy

Ms. Bennet asks that Mr. Darcy carefully consider this apology. If he finds it acceptable, he shall let her know either by written or oral communication. 

Ms. Bennet formally and happily accepts the written apology she received from Mr. Darcy on April 26, 2013. His account of his actions was too harsh. He failed to note that Ms. Bennet overreacted and left town without attempting to renew negotiations. She will attempt not to make the same mistake in cases of future disagreement. 

Moving forwards, Ms. Bennet promises to try to be more understanding, more patient, and more forgiving of Mr. Darcy's moods, behavior, and needs. Forgiveness is not her forte, but she requests that William Darcy promise not to belabor any tendered apologies, unlike her mother who never lets anything go. 

Ms. Bennet apologizes for implying that Mr. Darcy is in anyway like her mother. She knows this to impossible. 

Ms. Bennet requests that Mr. Darcy will, in future, make a good faith effort to inform Ms. Bennet of his expectations and wishes ahead of time. She asks for his trust and in return will do her best to accommodate him. 

For the next six months William Darcy shall refrain from financial excesses on behalf of Elizabeth Bennet. He will not spend more than $100 on Elizabeth Bennet without her knowledge or consent. The parties may renegotiate this clause six months from the date of this contract. 

Ms. Bennet promises to ask Mr. Darcy for a loan if her financial situation requires it. She requests that he not hold his breath on this one. 

Ms. Bennet promises to include Mr. Darcy in her major life decisions, in so far as she will at least notify him that one is about to be finalized. She values his good opinion and hopes to consult him in future on many practical matters.

She proposes that any favors be repaid in kind, e.g. if one party runs an errand or goes out of their way to attend to the needs of the other—that the debt be repaid without monetary expenditure, but in favors of a yet undetermined nature. 

As both parties are largely untried in the practical implementation and maintenance of a healthy long-term romantic attachment, Ms. Bennet asks that they both agree to improve their communication and outline acceptable behavior in times of disagreement. 

In closing, Ms. Bennet would like to formally thank Mr. Darcy for rescuing her sibling, Lydia Bennet, from certain scandal and thereby removing any taint that might have affected the rest of the Bennet family. He has earned the very great esteem and undying gratitude of every Bennet, but most especially that of Elizabeth Bennet. She believes this is a debt she can never repay. She acknowledges that William Darcy does take very great care of those he loves, and will attempt to learn from his example. 

Ms. Bennet promises to cultivate both her love and respect for Mr. Darcy for whatever period both parties agree is acceptable. She submits that fifty years is a reasonable period of time and that they may renegotiate the agreement then. 

 

 

Signed by: Elizabeth Bennet on April 27, 2013

 

 

Signed by:


	21. Darcy's Reply and Amended Contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Received by Lizzie in a FedEx document pouch. (They did have a lengthy video chat last night, so they're both pretty bleary eyed today.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no 66 W. Roberts Ave. And whether or not the Bennets live in Fresno is entirely up for debate.

April 29, 2013

Elizabeth Bennet  
Bennet Productions, LTD.  
66 West Roberts Avenue  
Fresno, CA 93704-2144

Dear Ms. Bennet,

Enclosed are my corrections to your contract. I took the liberty of signing and dating both copies, but if you seriously object to any of my changes we can redraft the document.

Sincerely,

William F. Darcy

P.S. Mr. Darcy did not seek legal counsel either. He was delighted to 'play along,' but would like to state for the record that the coffee he spilled on the ivory sofa in his office while reading Ms. Bennet's previous communication will serve as a permanent reminder of his incredible good fortune.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Relationship Agreement Contract**

I, Elizabeth Bennet, do hereby apologize for the following lapses in judgment, ~~faux pas~~ , **(You were always charming, even when flippant.)** and any and all comments of a hurtful nature made to or about William F. Darcy, including but not limited to:

1\. ~~Erroneous and~~ **Fair but** perhaps unkind judgments of his person and intentions  
2\. Comments that were mocking, ~~unfair,~~ and posted on the Internet.  
3\. Unflattering imitations **(Jane's delightful imitation excepted.)**  
4\. A public and scathing rejection of his first declaration of love  
5\. Any past defense or interaction with George Wickham  
6\. ~~Displaying unfair impatience and lacking empathy ~~~~~~

Ms. Bennet asks that Mr. Darcy carefully consider this apology. If he finds it acceptable, he shall let her know either by written or oral communication.

**Mr. Darcy avows that this apology is unnecessary though he accepts with great pleasure. He proffers his own apology for his oafish and immature behavior. He further regrets his initial judgments and statements about Ms. Bennet and her family. If Ms. Bennet endeavors to proceed with a _tabula rasa_ then Mr. Darcy suggests parity in the matter.**

Ms. Bennet formally and happily accepts the written apology she received from Mr. Darcy on April 26, 2013. His account of his actions was too harsh. He failed to note that Ms. Bennet overreacted and left town without attempting to renew negotiations. She will attempt not to make the same mistake in cases of future disagreement. 

Moving forwards, Ms. Bennet promises to try to be more understanding, more patient, and more forgiving of Mr. Darcy's moods, behavior, and needs. Forgiveness is not her forte, but she requests that William Darcy promise not to belabor any tendered apologies, unlike her mother who never lets anything go. 

Ms. Bennet apologizes for implying that Mr. Darcy is in anyway like her mother. She knows this to impossible. 

Ms. Bennet requests that Mr. Darcy will, in future, make a good faith effort to inform Ms. Bennet of his expectations and wishes ahead of time. She asks for his trust and in return will do her best to accommodate him. **Mr. Darcy offers said trust implicitly.**

For the next six months William Darcy shall refrain from financial excesses on behalf of Elizabeth Bennet. He will not spend more than ~~$100~~ **$500** on Elizabeth Bennet without her knowledge or consent. **(Exception for her graduation gift which has already been purchased and is not exchangeable.)** The parties ~~may~~ **will** renegotiate this clause six months from the date of this contract. **(I have it my calendar, Lizzie.)**

Ms. Bennet promises to ask Mr. Darcy for a loan if her financial situation requires it. She requests that he not hold his breath on this one. **(Noted, but not forgotten.)**

Ms. Bennet promises to include Mr. Darcy in her major life decisions, in so far as she will at least notify him that one is about to be finalized. She values his good opinion and hopes to consult him in future on many practical matters. **Mr. Darcy insists on reciprocity.**

She proposes that any favors be repaid in kind, e.g. if one party runs an errand or goes out of their way to attend to the needs of the other—that the debt be repaid without monetary expenditure, but in favors of a yet undetermined nature. **Mr. Darcy has parameters and suggestions, but will refrain from accidentally limiting himself contractually to the amenities that may be provided by Ms. Bennet, or the ones she might request of him. He defers to her imaginative prowess.**

As both parties are largely untried in the practical implementation and maintenance of a healthy long-term romantic attachment, Ms. Bennet asks that they both agree to improve their communication and outline acceptable behavior in times of disagreement. **Mr. Darcy assents**.

In closing, Ms. Bennet would like to formally thank Mr. Darcy for rescuing her sibling, Lydia Bennet, from certain scandal and thereby removing any taint that might have affected the rest of the Bennet family. He has earned the very great esteem and undying gratitude of every Bennet, but most especially that of Elizabeth Bennet. ~~She believes this is a debt she can never repay.~~ **There is no debt. Ms. Bennet has already given Mr. Darcy more than he deserved and acts of love should never be totaled on a balance sheet.** She acknowledges that  William Darcy does take very great care of those he loves, and will attempt to learn from his example. **Mr. Darcy will endeavor to remain a good example.**

Ms. Bennet promises to cultivate both her love and respect for Mr. Darcy for whatever period both parties agree is acceptable. ~~She submits that fifty years is a reasonable period of time and that they may renegotiate the agreement then.~~ **(You may be amused that your last statement was what caused me to ruin my couch. Though I do consider it an improvement and refused to let Mrs. Reynolds call in cleaners or a order a replacement.) Mr. Darcy would prefer a non-negotiable lifetime commitment, but will defer to Ms. Bennet's wishes in the matter.**

Signed by: Elizabeth Bennet on April 27, 2013

Signed by: William F. Darcy on April 29, 2013


	22. A Delivery for Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia wakes Lizzie up and drags her downstairs where it looks like a battalion of florists invaded their house. Lydia informs her that they were two delivery people and they made four trips to and from their van.

Delivery of dozens of lipstick roses in varying shades of red, pink, orange, and yellow. 

 

Note with delivery:

Lizzie, 

Congratulations on completing your thesis. I'm arriving Thursday afternoon with the keys to Netherfield. I'm afraid the many times I've resisted sending you flowers has caught up with me and destroyed my reserve. 

Love,  
William


	23. Darcy Arrives at Netherfield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as his plane lands, Darcy gets a text from Lizzie: "Go straight to Netherfield. Do not pass Go. Do not Collect $200."

_At Netherfield there is a card taped to the front door with a piece of blue painter's tape. 'William' is written on the envelope in Lizzie's handwriting. The card inside features a unicorn and the words 'THANK YOU' above it in rainbow letters. The mane is full of iridescent glitter. The writing inside is cramped and sprawls onto the back of the card._

W.D.

I didn't want to use up all the beautiful stationary you sent me and while packing I found an enormous box of these charming cards, which were a "present" from my mother to respond to people who gave me gifts for my sixth grade graduation. I did write thank you notes, but on loose leaf paper rather than these little horrors. 

Please follow my instructions carefully. Follow the path of roses. Do not deviate from the route. If you do everything properly you will find me at the end. 

L.B. 

P.S. Pretend that this message self-destructs in five seconds.

P.P.S. I know you just asked why you should pretend that. Because it's fun and we're like spies. 

P.P.P.S. Bing left a set of keys with us in case of emergencies or deliveries. I didn't break in.

 

 

 

 

_2nd card and two wrapped boxes on the bed in guest room._

W.D.

In the white box is something you should put on. If you complete your mission successfully, the pink box contains part of your prize. I know you have those sound cancelling headphones with you. Put them on and select the playlist called 'You didn't even notice this was here did you?'

L.B.

 

 

 

 

_The first song on the play list is Billie Holiday's["Blue Moon."](http://youtu.be/9LOB_I7sgoI) The white box tied with blue bow contains his red swimming trunks and another unicorn card. This unicorn is rampant and the words 'thank you' are printed in gold letters down his back._

W.D.

I checked with GiGi. You forgot to pack a swimsuit. She sent this. Settle in and put this on. Leave the contents of the pink box here. Continue to follow the roses.

L.B.

 

 

_Pink box tied with white ribbon contains an alarmingly tiny, dark-blue women's bikini._

 

 

 

 

_Path of roses leads to a third card lying on the carpet in the library._

W.D.

Welcome to the scene of the crime. Actually just the scene our first "debate." I quoted [a poem](http://www.ibiblio.org/ipa/poems/heaney/personal_helicon.php) and we argued about who'd written it. Do you remember who was right? Do you remember the poet? The poem?

L. ~~D.~~ B.

P.S. That slip of the pen was purely Freudian. Don't read too much into it. 

P.P.S. You're totally reading into it? Aren't you? We're getting ahead of ourselves. Did you find the book yet? Or are you just standing there gloating?

 

 

 

 

_Roses leads into the kitchen. Ella Fitzgerald sings["You Do Something to Me"](http://youtu.be/b28br15q0qY) through his headphones. Another card taped to the front of the stainless steel refrigerator with scrap of blue painter's tape._

W.D.

Bing made some donations towards our comfort. I'll lend you a thank you card, if you like.

L.B.

 

 

_In fridge, bottle of Veuve Clicquot and a marble cold sleeve. Tray bearing artfully arranged fruit and several kinds of cheese, two champagne flutes and napkins on the kitchen counter._

_Rose path leads out around the stand of citrus trees to the pool. Two lounge chairs are positioned beneath an umbrella. On the small teak table between them--another card. No one in sight. ___

 

W.D.,

Pour the champagne. Sit back. Relax. Be patient. Keep listening. 

L.B.

 

_The music shifts tone and decades to The Magnetic Fields ironically sincere_ [The Book of Love.](http://youtu.be/jkjXr9SrzQE)

_A final card drops lightly onto his bare stomach._

 

Envelope reads, "Do not turn around yet!"

_On this card a unicorn is nuzzling a second unicorn and there is a small heart just above them._

 

 

William,

I will agree to $250. I still think it's way too much, but I am learning to compromise because I adore you. As an added incentive I have one hundred more of these cards in my arsenal. I will not hesitate to deploy them. 

Lizzie

P.S. If you ever buy me anything featuring a unicorn I will tell your sister that you were the one who let her beloved Siamese outside when she was six. She still cries over Tasha. 

P.P.S. Hi. I need help putting sunscreen on my back.


	24. An IM Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in the guest bedroom at Netherfield.

Sent at 12:53 PM 

**ebennet:** I have an idea.  
 **wdarcy:** Lizzie?  
 **ebennet:** Do you know any other ebennets?  
 **wdarcy:** Why are you messaging me? You're six inches away from me.  
 **ebennet:** I thought it would be funny? Also I tried speaking. You're very wrapped up in your email.  
 **wdarcy:** Lizzie, I'm so sorry.  
 **ebennet:** Please don't look like that.  
 **wdarcy:** Like what precisely?  
 **ebennet:** Precisely like you set the puppy I got for my birthday on fire.  
 **wdarcy:** I have never once in my life looked guilty of canine arson.  
 **ebennet:** Oh, really. What about Tasha?  
 **wdarcy:** Feline vagrancy is not canine arson, Ms. Bennet.  
 **ebennet:** Fair point. Come on. We should get up. Go outside. It looks rather nice out.  
 **wdarcy:** Will that require getting out of bed and donning clothing?  
 **ebennet:** It had to happen eventu- Will? Is that your FOOT?!  
 **wdarcy:** Put your laptop down, Elizabeth.  
 **ebennet:** WILL! We have to get out of beohqc.,afggggg

wdarcy is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when wdarcy comes online.  
ebennet is offline.


	25. slip of paper tucked into Lizzie's overnight bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Found as she is unpacking from the weekend to do laundry at home today. Darcy returned to San Francisco last night.

Longest 27 days 16 minutes and 38 seconds of my entire life. At least I will see you again on Thursday for your graduation. I promise. No flowers.-W


	26. Lizzie's Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Handwritten letter addressed, "L.B. please read this first." Accompanying a small exquisitely wrapped present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Becca keeps me on the straight and narrow.

May 9, 2013

 

Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

For you are dearest and loveliest. I have sought in vain for an exemplar of my admiration, esteem, and no small amount of pride in your accomplishments. It is not the sort of pride I've played any role in or that grants me any merit. The laurels go very definitely to you today. 

I have been observing you for more than a year, Lizzie. While you are, and will always be, your lovely and inimitable self, you have bloomed. It will be an unmitigated pleasure to witness the very great success I know you shall reap professionally. My prose is in grave danger of shifting toward the purple end of the spectrum. 

When I was recently in New York, I went for an extended stroll with your sister, Jane. She most effectively allayed my worries and convinced me that you would forgive me, that all would be well. On a whim (hers, not mine) we explored an estate jewelry collection up for auction at Christie's. Jane wholeheartedly agreed that you would admire this gift, though she acknowledged that you might be reluctant to receive it. Please accept it and overlook my trespass. I will promise not to cross the line again without you sanctioning it first.

Jane further instructed me to relate its provenance so that you would not fear I was gifting you with family heirlooms. 

The auction house was only able to certify that it was fashioned in the 1940s, which means it is more than sixty years old. May it grace your wrist for at least the next sixty years. 

All my love,

William

P.S. I hope you were not teasing when you indicated that you longed for my more bombastic style. I gave it free rein. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gift in its an original red leather box: 

(back is engraved: E.B. 5/9/2013)


	27. Thank You Letter from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter to Darcy written on the pale blue stationery he sent to her.

May 11, 2013

 

William,

I'm sorry I was so quiet on Thursday evening after the party. I really do love the watch. It's gorgeous and thoughtful. Understated. Thank you. 

Jane was right about everything. My impulse was to argue or try to give it back and I was determined not to do that. You gave it to me because you love me and rejecting the gift would be like rejecting your feelings for me. That's a mistake I would prefer not to repeat. 

My entire life, including the ground under my feet, is shifting and changing right now. Everything except what I have with you. It's safe harbor. If I stop and think about it—it does seem like we're moving too fast, we've become too serious, but our relationship is long and complicated. My feelings for you may not always have been favorable, but they were intense. You took up more real estate in my brain than anyone else I've ever met. You still do. I can't say that I want to travel back in time to punch myself, but it'd be nice if I could go back and set myself straight about a few things. 

If we'd understood each other earlier though we probably wouldn't be where we are today. I would not change that given the opportunity, though maybe I could have kept myself from complaining so vehemently on camera and posting it to the Internet. You don't talk about that much, but how can you forgive me? I can't forgive myself entirely. I will try to be worthy of your love and support in future. 

I think you believe in me more than I believe in myself. I'm trying to sort out what to do with that. The answer is rapidly becoming clear. I should let you. I should learn from you. 

When I'm supposed to be packing, I find myself day dreaming of life in San Francisco. Late Saturday mornings in cafés—you looking rumpled and wearing glasses. Walking in Golden Gate Park in the fog, my fingers cold---yours warm and sure. Falling into bed exhausted and yet being unable to stop touching you, kissing you… How many days left? Too many. 

Love,

Lizzie

P.S. I don't know if it was your idea or Jane's, but giving me my gift without my mother watching? Genius. She hasn't even noticed the watch. I think if it doesn't have diamonds on it, it's beneath her notice. 

P.P.S. You know that wasn’t a hint. I'm going to take a picture of this letter before I send it.


	28. Darcy Responds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's response to Lizzie's thank you letter. This one is written in black ink on heavy ecru letter paper in cursive.

May 15, 2013

 

Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

Thank you for your delightful and charming letter. Ninety percent of it filled me with an incandescent bliss so concentrated that I had to tamp down the mad urge to leave work and come find you, so that I could cradle your gorgeous face in my hands and tell you everything that I was feeling. The Sanditon project is devouring a remarkable portion of my days, which is why I have had so little time to converse with you recently. I pray change is imminent. 

I'd hoped never to have to broach this subject or facilitate this discussion, but perhaps it is best to conduct a post-mortem and then bury the matter for good. There are two items I'd like to put before you. The first is the weighty issue of your videos. The second is your claim that you may not be worthy of my love and esteem. These topics are interlaced and cannot be separated.

To begin, I would like to quote a section of our amended contract:

"Mr. Darcy avows that this apology is unnecessary though he accepts with great pleasure. He proffers his own apology for his oafish and immature behavior. He further regrets his initial judgments and statements about Ms. Bennet and her family. If Ms. Bennet endeavors to proceed with a tabula rasa then Mr. Darcy suggests parity in the matter."

I watched all 59 extant videos in a single evening--as you know. I cannot dissemble and state that they did not cause me considerable discomfort or pain, but it's possible that a less excoriating approach would not have been as effective. You are hardly the first person in my life to have accused me of such behavior, but you were the first to give me pause. Despite GiGi's angry tirades, I believed that she would love me no matter what and that in time she would accept the soundness of my judgment. (I do recognize that as supercilious arrogance now.) Your scathing rejection forced me to examine my own words and behavior. Through your stories and comments, I comprehended several grave flaws in my conduct and my convictions. I recoiled from the truth initially, but watching your highly engaging vlogs made me intent to earn your respect. I aspired to be someone you could at least tolerate, but I'd resolved to become a more compassionate person, a better man. Is it boasting to posit that I've progressed from irredeemable dunderhead to acceptable companion? 

My rationale and reluctance to discuss this stems from my abhorrence of my own comportment and has little to do with your censure. Rarely has anything caused me such a degree of mortification as the revelation of your true opinion of me prior to Halloween. Without such a _coup de grâce _, I suspect I would not have found the impetus to diverge from my _status quo._ Without you and your videos, I imagine that I would have continued to operate as a haughty, emotionally dessicated individual. __

__Even if I could, I would not change a single frame of your videos or our history. I would do nothing to risk our current felicity. Lastly--your videos revealed you to me, the Lizzie Bennet I had failed to appreciate or behold. My callow affections quickly morphed into something real and vibrant, which was more exhilarating an experience than I'd encountered previous. I knew my love was doomed to be unrequited, but even that malady was preferable to a murky numbness._ _

__We were both in the wrong, but we have both changed. It serves no purpose to contest whose sins were more egregious. I beseech you to relinquish your related regrets and disappointments and I shall endeavor to follow suit. We need not forget--we probably should not forget, but I think it would be best if we could consider the matter settled and not a _Sword of Damocles_ ready to drop on us when we least expect it. I shall never use your videos against you or as a means to criticize you. That would be the worst sort of hypocrisy. _ _

__I've a slew of arguments as to why you are eminently worthy of my attentions, but I would prefer that you accept my word when I tell you that there is no person on earth more worthy of my love. The idea that there could be such a person is untenable. Even if you were not worthy, you'd still have my heart at your feet. So have a care and trust that I am cognizant of my own mind with at least some small degree of accuracy._ _

__17 days, 1 hour and 29 minutes._ _

__All my love,_ _

__William_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't time to get this to Becca so it's probably riddled with mistakes. Feel free to point them out so I may repair them. <3


	29. Letter from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hand written letter, delivered by US Post, found on William's desk at Pemberley after he returns from a business trip to Toronto.

May 17, 2013

 

Dear William,

You have got to stop. After your last letter all I could do was lie on the floor in a swoon. (It was really in the grass. In the shade.) And yes. I see your points and I shall do my best to comply with our agreement. 

My life is barely recognizable at the moment. I have no videos to plan, film, or edit. I have no school work. I have nothing left to pack, except things that I need between now and the day I leave, like my toothbrush. My mother keeps gushing about how wonderful it is that I am about to "stretch my own wings and leave the nest!" I'm waiting for various contracts and papers. Everything feels paused. I know it won't last and I should rest, or relax. My mother even hinted that she'd like to take me for some kind of facial. (She said she thought she could see wrinkles! Then I spent an hour looking at my face in Lydia's magnifying mirror. If I squint? I get wrinkles. Are you horrified? If you leave me for a younger woman, my mother will gleefully disown me.)

This seems to be one of my more flippant letters. I can't help it. It's my natural state. It's not all I'm feeling. It's not all I want to tell you. But wouldn't it be ridiculous and boring if I simply wrote, "I love you. I miss you." 300 times? If you want me to, I will. Then my hand will cramp up and... see? Flip. It's easier to be sincere in person, or online because I can see you and hear you. That makes me feel less like I am imagining everything. If I hadn't spent months thinking you were awful, I'm not sure I could accept that our relationship is real. You do seem like someone I would have dreamed up. As we all know--you are tall. You are also handsome, brilliant, wryly funny... 

I made the monumental mistake of trying to write to you sitting at the kitchen table, while drinking iced tea. My mother sneaked up behind me and suggested several other adjectives I could apply to you. I am not subjecting you to any of them. 

I think the thing I love most about you is that you've come to understand me. You bothered to fight past my defensive wall of sarcasm and quipping. That's a little frightening because I can't hide from you, but at the same time it isn't at all frightening because I trust you. My trust is imperfect and a work in progress, but I would say the only person whom I trust more than you is Jane. I don't merely mean that I have faith in your good will, or that you won't betray me. It's more that I know I can rely on you. My mother doesn't see me at all, except as a failure. My father sees me, but is apt to stand back and observe, if not actually retreat. Lydia, well, Lydia is also a work in progress and I want to be supportive of her so I won't say anything critical, but she sees me. I think she always has. I am sad to be leaving her right now because we're just getting to know each other honestly. I'm going to miss her. I know she'll visit and I will come home, but I've lived across the hall from her for the majority of the last 25 years. William, I wish you could see how much she's changed in the last two months. She's stronger. She believes in herself more. We had a chat about what she might want to do next with her life. She's letting herself imagine that she could be something of her own choosing, something outside of our mother's narrow qualifications of success. She's thinking that she might like to work with young women as a counselor of some sort. I think she'd be fantastic at that because girls would love her immediately. That connection would benefit her work. I want so much for her, but I am trying very hard to make sure that what I want her for is that she find what she wants for herself. We've a very bad habit in this family of pushing our own agendas on each other. 

I will see you Friday. It can't come soon enough. 

Love,

Lizzie


	30. A Brief Cryptic Note for Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unsigned post card featuring the Magritte painting "The Son of Man." Writing is not William's.

 

L.B. 

We can't have you bored. Please be at Lena's Café at 2 PM on Wednesday May 22, 2013. Do not arrive early. 

-A friend


	31. The First Clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia drops Lizzie at Lena's Café at precisely 2 PM. Inside the café everyone is wearing a newsie cap and a red bowtie. No one looks at her when she enters. At the register a barista silently passes her an envelope with Elizabeth Bennet written on the front in impressive calligraphy. Inside is a white card.

You may find this illuminating:

P94.65.U6 J46 2006


	32. At the Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie locates the book according the call number written on the card the barista handed her.

The book is _Convergence Culture: Where Old and New Media Collide_ by Henry Jenkins. There is nothing extra in the book itself. Lizzie already owns a copy, but she takes the public library's single copy to the checkout desk. The librarian hands Lizzie a different book and tells her it's due back in three weeks. _Leave it to Psmith_ by P.G. Wodehouse. 

(A passage is indicated by a post-it flag)

LEAVE IT TO PSMITH  
Psmith Will Help You  
Psmith Is Ready For Anything  
DO YOU WANT  
Someone To Manage Your Affairs?  
Someone To Handle Your Business?  
Someone To Take The Dog For A Run?  
Someone To Assassinate Your Aunt?  
PSMITH WILL DO IT  
CRIME NOT OBJECTED TO  
Whatever Job You Have To Offer  
(Provided It Has Nothing To Do With Fish)  
LEAVE IT TO PSMITH!

 

(Another small card written in perfect calligraphy tucked between pages)

Madam, your carriage awaits. Psmith will keep you company.


	33. Lizzie Arrives in Pebble Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's regular driver delivers Lizzie to an Inn. There is a typed letter waiting at the reception desk.

May 22, 2013

Ms. Elizabeth Bennet  
c/o The Blandings Inn  
1519 Cypress Drive  
Pebble Beach, CA 93953

Dear Ms. Bennet,

Below please find an itemized lists of expenses. 

Calligrapher in PD Art Department (freelance) --$50  
Flash mob in café--no cost  
Tip for barista--$20  
Donation of 200 books to Public Library--no cost  
Car and driver, Jerome, on salary--no additional cost  
Gasoline--approximately $48.32  
Beach Cottage at Blandings--$356.22  
Bottle of white wine--$25.00

**TOTAL $499.54**

This does not violate our contractual or verbal agreement of expenditures, but I am afraid this makes dinner your bailiwick. Your overnight bag has already been delivered to the cottage. If you need to change into clothing appropriate for the beach—please do so. 

If I may make a suggestion about dinner? Take a walk down the beach, heading west. Connie (the proprietress) will provide you with a basket full of needed accessories and the wine. 

I remain your most humble servant, 

  
William Darcy 

P.S. Do you know how to fish? Perhaps I should have asked Lydia earlier. She packed your bag and handed it off to Jerome. 

Well, happy hunting. I will be famished when I arrive. 


	34. A Card on Lizzie's Pillow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dinner and a beautiful sunset, Lizzie finds a card on her pillow. William has filled out one of her terrible unicorn thank you cards in extremely small writing that covers both inside pages.

May 22, 2013

Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

I presume that the shower warmed you up. Lesson learned. If Lydia is packing for you, she needs specific guidelines about weather appropriate clothing. Though you did look radiantly beautiful in that dress and I didn't mind helping you conserve body heat in the slightest. I'm relieved that you found the Fisherman's Shack easily. The salmon they caught today was perfect. It's one of those peculiar little places that only locals know about. I like to come to this Inn from time to time to clear my head. I've never brought anyone with me. I've never had anyone I wanted to share it with before. 

I know you noticed, though you haven't mentioned it, that I exceeded the $250 limit you bargained down from $500. I do have a reason for that and I hope you will agree to grandfather this instance in. I made the reservation for this cottage the first week we were together, which was well before we agreed to the spending cap. Why May 22nd? The 22nd isn't actually terribly important, but the 23rd is. I knew that I wanted to spend all of May 23rd with you and have you all to myself. 

A year ago on the 23rd I realized that what I'd dismissed as a simple infatuation was actually becoming something quite serious. We were at Carter's Bar and I couldn't take my eyes off you. Caroline tried to provoke my disdain and I'm afraid she pushed the wrong buttons. I expressed my admiration of you rather emphatically. I realized that if I was willing to put Caroline's nose so severely out of joint on your behalf then I was well and truly on my way to being in love with you.

And so here we are and your viewers are still delighted by Jane's impression of me fake texting. It was "super important." If I had tried to talk to you that evening it would have been a disaster. Worse than Halloween, if you can imagine. 

If you cannot forgive my pecuniary lapse, you'll find your revolting thank you cards in the dresser. I shall take my punishment like a man. Do your worst. 

All my love,

William

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for finding all my mistakes and sticking with this madness.


	35. An Email from Darcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy has a question and a complaint.

to: ebennet@gmail.com  
from: wdarcy@pemberleydigital  
date: Tuesday May 28, 2013 at 5:03 PM  
subject: How many are there?

 

Elizabeth,

I have unearthed 42 cards so far. I congratulate you on your long distance retaliation, but I just encountered iridescent glitter in my coffee. That is a bridge too far. It's akin to some sort of horrific plague. Fitz won't own up to his culpability despite the evidence against him. He is similarly afflicted by this sparkling menace though he blames a club he visited last night with Brandon. I am highly dubious. Brandon is fastidious and would simply not allow Fitz into their apartment in that condition.

At present I have discovered cards in my refrigerator, folded inside every single pair of boxers I own, scattered under the sheets in my bed, in my desks at home and at work, under the cushions of the sofa in my office, and wedged into my dress shoes. Please end my suffering, accept my apology and my promise to respect your expenditure limit--but pray enlighten me. How many more of these are lying in wait to menace me? I am certain I will have nightmares featuring unicorns. 

Well played, Lizzie. You knew that writing a single letter in each card, so that the whole remains obscured would drive me to distraction. I do believe there's an "I love you" in this jumble, but I have not located a V or a Y yet. I shall figure this out unless I succumb to blindness courtesy of eyeballs abraded by unicorn dander.

-W

P.S. Upon your arrival Friday night you should expect retribution.

P.P.S. It's been fewer than twenty-four hours and I already miss you. You are incredibly fortunate that I adore you and am seeing the humor in this situation, excepting the glitter in my coffee. There are limits, Miss Bennet.


	36. A Follow Up Email from Darcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A follow up email regarding Lizzie's cryptic message.

to: ebennet@gmail.com  
from: wdarcy@pemberleydigital  
date: Wednesday May 29, 2013 at 2:44 PM  
subject: You, madam, are driving me mad. 

Elizabeth,

Your revenge is complete and you have made your point rather emphatically. I have been able to think of little else for the previous two days and you have no sympathy for my plight. You have refused to admit how many of these wretched monstrosities are hidden in my apartment and office. I found one inside a box of muesli today. An unopened box. I have no idea how Fitz managed that wizardry. I suspect my sister had a hand in this nefarious plot from a distance.

I've located 65 cards and I entertain hopes that there are only 72 of them, meaning that 7 remain obdurately concealed. If that proves to be so, your message appears to read:

_I love you but if you break our expenditure agreement again I will be quite put out._

My impulse was to be rather "put out" by your method of registering your displeasure, but I fully comprehend your position. You know all too well that I am unused to being rejected or denied and consequently proceed rather forcefully according to my own opinions and desires. I love that you refuse to be dictated too. I'm unlikely to break our agreement again without your written and possibly notarized consent. 

NB: My understanding and patience are not boundless. 

2 days, 3 hours, 16 minutes, and 27 seconds. 

Mildly disgruntled, but still irrevocably in love with you,

William

P.S. Extra credit for quoting my Aunt Catherine in your censure.


	37. Letter to Darcy from Lizzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter delivered via US Post to Darcy at PD. Written on pale blue stationery in lines that slant slightly downward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Annie for looking this over before I posted typos and awkward sentences.

May 29, 2013

Dear William,

I know you'll have cracked my coded message by now. I'm sorry for resorting to such drastic measures, but I wasn't sure you'd notice anything less than a shot across your bow. If I didn't care so much I wouldn't have bothered. I won't incriminate my partners in crime, but I owe a favor or two.

I'm a bundle of nervous excitement. Lydia can't even stand to be in the same room and claims I am making her anxious. I've left the house and am sitting under a large shady tree with my bare feet in the cool grass. I'm writing with my paper on top of your copy of Plato's Dialogs. You're really going to cajole me into reading all this philosophy, aren't you? You were right. I hated "The Republic," but I liked "The Lysis" and "The Crito" very much. If I'd ever had the opportunity to chat with Socrates I would've been sorely tempted to strangle him.

I'm glad there are parks and green spaces to walk around in the city and I hope we'll escape the city entirely sometimes. I want to see everything with you, even places I've been before because they look new and different when I'm with you. Does that sound ridiculous? Well, I don't care because it's true.

I'm so used to having people in my personal space I can't fathom what being alone will be like. I'm not certain I will like it, but then again I may. Please let me make this mistake (if it proves to be one) so that I know. I want the experience. Even if it's only for a year. Even if I end up spending lots of time with you. I suspect learning to live with oneself and be content is an important survival skill. Knowing who I am and how I feel about myself and what I need should also make my relationship with you that much stronger. Since you're a big fan of Descartes, let me put it this way--he wanted to create a solid foundation for all of philosophy. You explained that he threw everything he knew out the window and started with only his doubt of everything, correct? I need to do the Lizzie Bennet version of finding my solid foundation and build from there.

You will probably be tempted to rush in and help me and I love you for it. It makes this move--this top to bottom change-- much less terrifying. But I ask you as a special favor to let me make some mistakes. Let me learn from them. I'm not asking you to ignore them. Please be honest with me. Tell me when you think I'm about to misstep, but if you can let me decide for myself how I shall handle situations I would be grateful. I will do my best to recognize that we are a "we" and that many of my decisions will also affect you. I am still not quite used to that.

We'll learn how to do this together. We're already much improved in both trust and communication, but let's promise not to get lazy about that. 

I was making toast this morning and staring at the glowing elements inside the toaster--letting my thoughts wander. It crashed down on me like a wave I didn't see coming--this intense feeling. I love you. I am so in love with you that I don't understand how I could become any more in love with you, but I know I will be. I can bear it because you love me.

As one of our first important joint decisions I would like to invite you to shop for a bed with me on Sunday. I don't plan to sleep in mine alone all the time and you should have some say. My father is paying for it as a "sending me off into the world" gift. Do not think about buying me anything at the moment. I'm working through my issues around that problem and I won't restrict you forever. I'm starting to understand, truly understand, that money means something very different to you than it does to me. For you it's been opportunity and freedom. For me it's been dependency and anxiety, but I don't want to carry that forward into my adult life if possible. I'm planning to do very well, you know.

I don't start my life tomorrow. I won't say that. Moving and starting the business and really being with you are all new--blank pages to be filled in. Not a new chapter--I think a sequel. A new volume.

Love,

Lizzie

P.S. It may not be what you intended, but I'm looking forward to your retribution with glee.


	38. Darcy's Last Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter handwritten on ivory stationery placed squarely in the middle of Lizzie's empty new living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enormous thanks to Annie and Becca for picking over this. Remaining errors belong entirely to me. I am selfish like that.

June 1, 2013

 

Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

I don't know where I am at present, but I trust I've provided a diversion to garner you a few moments alone in your new home. I thought it best not to barge in immediately, though in writing this missive perhaps I have done just that. Please excuse the intrusion.

You may wish to sit down as I'd like to broach a topic I have assiduously avoided, even with you. I am reticent on the subject of my parents. It's most assuredly a sore spot, but I want you to know me, Lizzie. I've never desired that before from anyone outside my immediate family and even then it was limited. You haven't simply made it through my defenses. You've systematically dismantled them and I allowed it. I encouraged it. 

To their detriment, my parents shall never meet you. I have tried to speak to you about them, but the words will not leave my mouth. Perhaps in writing I may sketch their characters for you. 

My father would have been taken with you immediately. Aside from your beauty and intelligence, you possess what he referred to affectionately as "gumption." He was a complicated man composed of extremes that in another person might have been dissonant. I am not like him except in looks. He was an "old boy." Attended Exeter, then Harvard. He was a competitive swimmer and spent every spare moment he could on his sailboat. (Do you suffer from seasickness? I've been meaning to ask.) My father was charming, gregarious, and well liked. For a scion of an old San Francisco family, he was rather forward thinking and willing to forgo tradition when it suited him. 

I spent a great deal of time with him mostly on the boat. He named it "The Aleph" after a short story by Borges. We called it "The Olive" because he told me about the man in the story seeing an "olive" in the staircase and something about infinity. I was confused for several years about what olives had to do with infinity. I have never seen anyone laugh so uproariously as when he discovered my error. He insisted on calling it "The Olive" after that, but never in a manner that made me feel ashamed. It was our joke. It's a beautiful boat. 

My father believed in a kind of chivalry--held doors for women, stood when they entered a room, opened car doors, pushed in chairs, which are all things I was taught from a very young age. He did not think women should be forced to stay at home with children. He supported my mother fully in her choices. She worked part-time after GiGi was born, but she gave up her position as an editor and founded a philanthropic foundation that promotes literacy. 

I resemble my mother in temperament. She was quiet and moderately reserved around people whom she did not know well. With her family she was warm and kind, but I could see her shell close up around strangers. I believe she would have come to adore you, but slowly. That is usually how I approach new relationships of any kind with trepidation. My feelings for you came on with such alacrity that I reeled from the impact. Never has the word "smitten" been more appropriate. If you'd snuck up and coshed me on the back of the head, it probably would have been less of a shock. 

I suspect it will amuse you greatly to learn that my mother initially detested my father. She thought he was a pompous windbag and a chauvinist, which he had admitted was unfortunately apt for him at that age. My mother's only response to that claim was that she'd done her best to improve him. She was a junior at Radcliffe when he was a freshman at Harvard. She matriculated at the age of 16. My father tried to charm her, but to no avail. The more flagrant his attention, the farther she retreated. He discovered that she liked to walk about a mile from campus to a small, quiet café and began haunting the place. He never approached her. He just showed up there and sat quietly reading. After a week of that my mother was "in a right snit" and demanded to know why he was stalking her. He insisted he wasn't, but then owned up to the truth. He offered to share his pot of tea with her so that they might discuss his admiration in a civilized manner. She reluctantly accepted and they conversed for hours. After that they studied together and became good friends, though nothing more. My father hadn't had many female friends before. To his astonishment he quite liked it. He credited her with opening his eyes, making him rethink many of his standing opinions, especially about women. They remained close friends until her graduation at which time she moved to New York to become an editorial assistant at Knopf. They kept in touch, but with less and less frequency. My father graduated and returned to the west coast to pursue an advanced degree at Stanford. 

They hadn't spoken in over six months, but my mother was attending a publishing conference in San Francisco. She called him. They met for a drink at her hotel and were supposed to go for dinner after. According to my father they never made it out of the hotel. My mother would neither confirm nor deny that, but she did blush whenever my father mentioned it. 

I've tried so very hard not to reveal that for an age I was unremittingly angry with them. Anger is an expected stage of grieving, but I became mired in it. The only benefit is that anger is an incredible motivating force. It is a miserable way to exist, truly unhappiness personified. 

There was so much required of me when my parents died. In addition to Pemberley I had to fend off Aunt Catherine from taking GiGi. Once I'd won that battle, there was the small matter of raising GiGi for which I was spectacularly unprepared. There was a nanny and our housekeeper, but I spent as much time as I could with her. She did her homework in my office more often than not. I am cognizant of her maturity, but it's been nigh impossible for me to cease worrying that I haven't done well enough by her. 

After my parents died my anxieties multiplied and I worried whenever GiGi was not in my sight. I shied away from emotional intimacy with only a few exceptions. Bing and Fitz were old friends, thus I was able to keep them. It became a habit to hold myself apart from almost everyone else. The thought of losing someone else I cared for was utterly terrifying. The thought of losing you... there are no words. Any time I have with you would be worth the pain should the worst ever happen. I know it's morbid, but I do not have the luxury of avoiding the subject. It has shaped too much of my character. 

I've a working hypothesis that loss and grief conversely expand the degree of joy one may attain. At times I have never been so furious with anyone as I have with you, but I have never been happier either. I've never laughed as much or talked so openly with anyone. You may tease me for this, but I vow that food even tastes better in your proximity.

You know my penchant to over-analyze. I don't want to make you happy, Lizzie, because that sounds like something I've forced you into. I want to be with you while you find your own happiness. I want so many things with you and for you that I cannot list them in this letter. I could make you a spreadsheet, but that seems to strike the wrong note. 

As you can see, I have learned my lesson. I did not buy you a housewarming present. Now, if you will come and order Fitz, Brandon, and me about, we'll have your boxes upstairs in a trice. 

I hope this was illuminating. 

All my love,

 

William

 

P.S. It took me ten days and many drafts to compose this so it does not include a response to your most recent letter. After reading it, I put salt in my tea and didn’t even notice until I'd almost drunk the whole cup. It was quite disgusting. Your letter, on the other hand, was absolute bliss. Is it possible to be drunk on love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that. Thank you so very much for reading all this and for your lovely enthusiasm. I'm still pretty floored. Just. Like. The comments. I need to go though and make a list of and links to all the comment fics. There may be one or two spinoff fics in the works.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos and thank you for reading. But especially thank you for finding my silly errors.


End file.
